So it’s currently half 12 at night and I’m wide awake in bed, despite having to be up at 6am for work.
Why? Because, and not for the first time in my life, I’m genuinely scared to go to sleep tonight. All day I’ve suffered low blood sugar after low blood sugar, despite over treating, dropping my insulin and basically refusing to do anything other than bare minimum. On more than one occasion today my blood sugar was too low for my monitor to read, which means it was below 2.2mmol (When I should be sitting at about 5).
To make matters worse, I had an assessment in work today for a potential new role, and I was low throughout the whole thing, so God only knows how much I’ve screwed it up. I’m trying to be optimistic, but on days like today, it’s really hard. (I’ve already considered any nerves / stresses about the assessment playing a part, but it doesn’t seem likely to me).
As per usual with this delightful disease, there is absolutely no rhyme or reason for it. I’ve done all that I possibly can, I’ve tried to factor in any possible reason this could be happening and I’m coming up blank. To make things worse, my hypo awareness has gone out the window. I’m not realising I’m low, it’s only that I’m being so tight on my bloods that I’m catching them all. No shaking, no blurry vision, no slurring, nothing. Those symptoms are all I’ve got to rely on to wake me up if I go low in the night. Without those, I could sleep through and slip into a coma, or worse, not wake up at all. It may sound like I’m being a drama queen, and trust me, I really can be, but this is a very real and possible situation for me tonight.
Of course I know I’ll probably be fine. I’ll wake up in the morning to do it all again and just chalk today off as a bad day. But it’s hard, and it’s draining and it can really wear you down.
I apologise for the moany post, but it’s just my way of trying to put across the realities of this disease, I started this blog first and foremost to raise awareness and sometimes it’s hard to put a positive spin on a rough day.